Teenage Hormones
by happykid
Summary: There are reasons why you should knock before entering.
1. In the shower

Disclaimer: I don't own it. Darn.

Moi Musings: Written for Celeste1's challenge of sorts. Thought I'd give a shot at Hitsugaya + Matsumoto. Turned out a little different, but that doesn't matter. That much.

Set somewhere in the future, with a teenaged Hitsugaya. No spoilers that I can think of. I might continue this, if I can find the proper inspiration (in other words, reviews).

* * *

"I said I was sorry." 

"No worries, Taichou! I said I didn't mind!"

"But-"

"No, really. I mean, it's perfectly fine for a normal-"

"Matsumoto."

"-Hormone-driven teenage boy to-"

"_Matsumoto._"

"-have such interests! Or was it cravings?"

"_MATSUMOTO._"

"Even if he _is_ one of the highly ranked _captains _of the Gotei 13. I mean, it is normal, isn't it? Wanting to sneak a peek at a _well-endowed woman._ Such as myself."

"Damn it, won't you listen to me for a moment?"

"But of course, Taichou."

"Look, I really, _really_ didn't mean to walk in on-"

"_Of course, my dear Taichou._ I'm _sure_ you didn't mean it."

"That's good to-"

"But I did have a feeling that you would eventually crack under the pressure, you know? But I didn't expect such a thing to happen, and in the bath no less! I'll say, there's just not enough sake in your life, see?"

"_Matsumoto._"

"Really, Taichou, you need to loosen up a little. You're growing up to be almost _exactly_ like Kuchiki-taichou. Honestly, if I wanted a handsome, sexy, aloof captain I would have transferred there immediately, rather than wait for you to grow up and see if you'll be as cute as you were when you were a kid or something sexier than the sixth division captain! I mean, yes, Kuchiki-taichou is kinda hot and come to think of it, so is Shuuhei, but he's besides the point anyway, I don't see _how_ you'll grow up to be like him because now you seem to be tilted in the way of Kuchiki-taichou which is completely sad, really, I thought that being a fukutaichou could actually be a breeze for once but _noooo_, you have to go and grow up to be another one of those slave drivers-…"

"GAH. I give up."

Matsumoto's smile got a little wider as she continued her tirade against her teenaged captain and the sixth division's head.

Hitsugaya sighed, and slumped a little lower in his chair. His face was still pink. She should have locked the door, really.

He made a mental note to knock the next time he wanted to enter the bathroom.

Meanwhile, Kuchiki Byakuya couldn't understand why he kept sneezing so violently.

* * *

In Japan, they say that when you sneeze, someone is talking about you. 

Review?


	2. The men don't get it

Disclaimer: Alas.

Moi Musings: I just had to add this. The doting father who doesn't know a single thing about his daughter. This was fun to write. Bwahahahaha.

Who should I bully next?

(Watch out for Zaraki's foul mouth.)

* * *

"Yachiru! You're bleeding!"

"I know that, Ken-chan! Now get out!"

"But Yachiru-"

"I said go away, Ken-chan!"

"But you're bleeding, damnit!"

"_I know_! Now go away!"

"I'll get one of those Fourth Squad punks here, right now! They'll get you treated!"

"_NO!_ I've seen Unohana-taichou about this already and she-"

"Didn't she heal you or anything? Why, that granny…"

"_Ken-chan!_"

"How on Earth did you get hurt anyway? Which bastard hurt you, huh? Was it that damn Kurotsuchi? That asshole, always hitting little girls…"

"I'm not a little girl anymore, Ken-chan!"

"Whatever. So who was it? The squirt Hitsugaya?"

"No, it's not any…"

"It's that Kuchiki then! Ooh, that little…"

"Ken-chan!"

"I'll beat him up! He'll wish he were dead!"

"It's _not_ him either, Ken-chan! It's-"

"What? Not Kuchiki? Damn, I had _such_ a good excuse to whack him, too…"

"Ken-chan! Will you listen for just…"

"Ah hah! It's not that Ukitake, is it? He must have spread something to you! Why, I'll go put that little sissy cougher out of his misery right…"

"GAH! I HATE YOU, STUPID KEN-CHAN! OUT!"

There was a loud crash, and the door to the bathroom slammed shut with an ear-splitting bang. The windows shook a little from the impact. Kenpachi sat in the wreckage of the once-wall, trying to decide if he ought to be proud of his (not-so-little-anymore) lieutenant's strength or worry about the teenager's wounds.

_Wounds._

"Ara, ara. Fukutaichou's all grown up now, isn't she?"

"Yumi! Perfect timing. Yachiru's bleeding but she doesn't want to tell me who hurt her. Go get her out."

"Uh, I don't think that now's a good time to disturb fukutaichou, Taichou."

"Hmm, you've got a point. She's been pretty cranky lately. Do you think it's because of her injury?"

Yumichika sighed. This was going to be difficult.

"Taichou, about this process called 'menstruation'…"

* * *

And Yumi saves the day!

Review?


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